It’s not a wrap

Have you ever noticed in movies where grief is portrayed, there’s always this moment of closure for the bereaved? A moment where the person grieving makes a decision of sorts that, while their past with their loved one was beautiful and they are thankful for it, they are choosing from that point forward to move on into their new life? It gives the impression that the grief is now over, that they are now free. As the viewer, it is very satisfying. It all gets tied up in a neat little bow. And honestly, until we have experienced truly deep grief ourselves, even in real life we can have this view of grieving- that it is a period of time that has a beginning and a definitive end. At least I know that’s how I used to think. In reality, while grief does have a beginning, I don’t think there’s a cut and dry point where it ends, if it ever really “ends” at all. Sure, you get to a point where you know you’re going to be ok, and can even smile at the future, but it doesn’t mean the grief has ended.

Grief isn’t always something we can measure right away. To me, healing in and through grief is like a child growing physically. You don’t really notice it happening at the time, but then come across an old picture or notice that their pants are getting too short and you realize just how much they’ve grown. Grief is a lot like that. You may feel like you’re moving at a snail’s pace, but then one day you look around and see just how far you’ve come. Even so, the process isn’t finished at that point of realization. Just like a growing child, there are still years of growth ahead. Still lots of healing that needs to take place. I don’t think the heart really ever fully heals. How could it? Someone who was very dear to you, someone with whom you shared life, is gone and they took a piece of your heart with them. And it’s ok that you won’t be the same again. You aren’t supposed to be. But our hearts are amazing things, and while they may not fully heal, they can continue to beat and get stronger. They can still hold love and joy and laughter at the same time they hold sadness and longing. So while our stories of grief may not come packaged up with a pretty bow, and while we may not have the “closure” we sometimes so desperately want, we can rest in the assurance that it is accomplishing in us all we need to continue to live the full lives God has prepared for us.

Sitting in the tension of unresolved grief.