Even in the Pit

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always known God was watching over me. As a little girl I knew that when I was scared He had His eyes on me and would keep me safe no matter what. As I grew up, that view of God expanded and I began to learn that He wasn’t just watching over me but was close to me. In hard times such as losing our first baby, losing Justin’s dad, or losing jobs, I always felt His presence and knew He was there with me. But it wasn’t until I lost Justin that I realized just how close He really is.

There’s a song that I had on constant replay for a while called “In Good Hands” by Andrew Ripp. It’s a song sung from God’s point of view and talks about how He has always been and will always be with us. My very favorite line of the song says, “I was there in the darkest night, crawled with you to the morning light….I was there, did you think I’d ever leave?” CRAWLED with you. That’s an amazing thought. In my darkest of nights, He wasn’t just near me- He was directly next to me. Directly next to me when I was laying on the floor and could barely lift my head. Directly next to me when I was holding one of my kids while they wept. Directly next to me when I was aimlessly driving around trying to make sense of it all. Even directly next to me when I was shouting words of doubt and fear. Right next to me. Right in the ugliness and the pain. He’s not just a God who is “watching over us.” He is WITH us in every sense of the word. I don’t know about you, but I find that incredible.

Sometimes we find ourselves at the bottom. We find ourselves down in a deep, deep pit of despair and we might not even be able to tell which way is up. In these moments, God isn’t just standing at the top yelling down at us to give Him our hand so He can pull us out but rather is down there with us, sitting right beside us, being incredibly gracious and patient as He allows us to remain there as long as we need until we are ready to take His hand. No matter how dark it is, no matter how long we’ve been down there, God always knows the way out and He’s always willing to lead us back into the light.

Sitting in the tension of knowing God is right beside me, even in the ugliest of circumstances.