Sitting in the Tension

There are still moments when loss hits me like a ton of bricks.

I think part of the reason grief lasts so long is because there’s no way you could handle all the realizations at once. It would simply be too much. At first the realizations come close together. There are just so many of them. So many things that will never be the same, so many changes that are occurring. The hurt is constant. Then, as time goes on and you begin to get used to the changes, the hurt lessens and you can breath. But every now and then, even years down the road, something happens that either brings a new realization or reminds you of one you’ve already realized but hits fresh again, and you have to stop and grieve.

I don’t know that there will ever be a time where these moments cease. I don’t know that there will ever be a time where the realization of all that was lost won’t occasionally hit like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. It doesn’t matter if it’s been one month, one year, one decade, or more, grief will always be in the background. When it comes to the forefront, may I always allow myself to embrace it, to think on what I had and what I lost. This is the only real way to continue moving on in healing. Then, once I’ve allowed myself the grace to grieve in the moment, may I always lift my head and continue moving forward in this beautiful life I’m still living. ❤️

Sitting in the tension of popup grief amidst a joy-filled life.