Sitting in the Tension

For so many years when I was younger, I tried to put my best face forward. I wanted people to see the best side of everything because the flip side of that, to me, was evidence I didn’t have it all together. I was supposed to have it all together. I lived so many years under that bondage. Under the bondage of appearance. As I got older and learned more about life and the grace God gives us in the middle of it, it became my passion to put my authentic face forward. To help people, especially those who had grown up in the church, see that our lives are not supposed to look picture perfect. 

I never want people to look at me and see a life that appears seamless. (Which is good because I assure you they don’t!🤪) I never want to try to portray that which isn’t real. I don’t have a neat and tidy little life that fits in a box complete with a bow. It’s messy and it’s loud. But it’s gloriously beautiful. I want people to see the messy. I want people to see the chaos. I want people to see the authentic. I want people to understand that you can have a joy filled life regardless of your circumstances. That the “abundant life” doesn’t have to look neat and tidy. 

Sometimes we’re sold a false bill of goods. We’re made to feel like life with Jesus should look a certain way. That it should be shiny and pretty. That our kids should be perfect, our marriages perfect, our houses and jobs and finances perfect. And when we realize that’s not how life is panning out, we begin to doubt the goodness of God. Or we begin to doubt that we are living life in the way we’re supposed to. 

Life is full of right choices and mistakes. It’s full of good and bad. The beauty is that God uses all of it. He doesn’t have to come up with a plan B because of my mess-ups. He takes every bit of it and uses it for my good. He uses it to mold me. He uses it to draw me closer to Him. He uses it to help others see His grace. 

May I always live vulnerably in front of others. May I continue letting them see the real me, even when the real me isn’t pretty. I want to be a walking testimony of God’s grace. I never want to go back to living under the bondage of appearance. I want to live life real. 

Sitting in the tension of authentic living.