Permission to Question

I’ve witnessed a lot of sadness and loss over the last several weeks. The kind of sadness and loss that oftentimes leads to a doubting of God’s goodness. I know this because I’ve been there, in the depths of despair, asking the difficult questions.

It’s not unholy to ask the questions. To be handed something difficult and ask why. Some of the most holy experiences I’ve had have been in my questioning, for it is there that God sits down with me in the muck and the mire and listens as I cry out and ask Him the hard things. It is there where He holds me until I can lift my head and see His face. In those moments, He may not always give me the answers but what He does give me is a deeper knowledge of Him and an intimacy that can only be found in the struggle.

I don’t know where I’d be today if I’d never allowed myself to question Him. Questioning God is a pretty taboo subject among Christians. We are rarely given permission to feel the hard feelings that come with the struggles and trials of this life. I’m not talking about a disrespectful questioning that’s brought about by a haughty spirit, but the deep, guttural questioning of how and why God could allow what He has allowed. The questioning that causes us to ask if we truly believe the things we say we believe. The questioning that is desperate for a revealing that will help it all make sense. Scripture says we grow through our sufferings. That our sufferings produce in us a perseverance that leads to maturity. I don’t think this happens through a grin-and-bear-it type of approach to suffering but rather through all that comes along with the struggle~ through the doubts and the questions and the fears. As we work our way through those, we grow.

Yes, God is faithful. Yes, God is good. Yes, God will never leave us. Yes, God is just. All of that is absolutely true. But we must be allowed to question it because it’s in the questioning that we spend time digging deep and wrestling through all that we don’t understand. It’s where God shows us His heart and where the Holy Spirit reveals the hidden truths of the Word. It’s where our faith grows strong roots and where we come out on the other side knowing Him more fully and intimately than we did before. At least that’s how it’s been with me. So, I’m going to continue to ask the hard questions. And I’m going to continue to find Him in the process. What an amazing God. What a beautiful grace.

Sitting in the tension of hard questions.