Highly Valued

This morning my grandson hurt himself. He was in the kitchen dancing to music and fell into the cabinet and busted his lip. I was around the corner and he came running to me, crying and wanting to be held. He wanted his Ommie to make it all better. And I wanted nothing more than to do just that.

I couldn’t help but think about the Lord. Think about how when we are hurt, the absolute best thing we can do is to go running to Him. To climb up in His arms and allow Him to make it all better. And He wants to do just that.

I have an area in my life right now where I’m needing Him to do that. I’m needing Him to “make it all better.”

Justin had an amazing ability to show me my value. To show me how much I was worth. He often taught men to be students of their wives, to learn the things that made them feel cherished, and he practiced what he preached. For 30 years I had a daily, present reminder that I was loved and adored. Even on days when I didn’t feel so lovely, when I messed up and needed forgiveness, he would tell me that I was secure in his love.

Over the course of these last three years I have slowly allowed that lack of a daily, physical, present reminder to cause me to question my value. I don’t know that I’ve literally had the thought “I’m not valuable” so much as I’ve had thoughts that ultimately say that’s how I’m feeling. I miss having a husband who made it one of his missions to show me my worth. I don’t mean that in a self absorbed or self centered way- that was just my reality and I miss it. I don’t think I’m unique in that. I think you’d be hard pressed to find a widow, or any single woman, who doesn’t miss or want that. Who wouldn’t be more secure in the knowledge that they have a special someone who loves them no matter what, who truly sees them, and who highly values them.

So I find myself in a thought place that isn’t serving me well. Thoughts that show me I need to go to my Father and sit with Him for a while so He can make it all better.

There’s a song by Jillian Edwards called Heaven’s Eyes that talks about how God sees us. About how valuable we are to Him. Some of the lyrics say:

“I wanna know, see what you see, past all the versions and layers of me. Nobody knows me like you. A child you chose before I took a breath, every last detail like the back of your hand. Nobody knows me like you. Speak over me, tell me again that I’m someone you love. Let it sink in. Tell me a million times who I am in heaven’s eyes.”

Sometimes we just need to sit and remember how much we mean to the Lord. How valuable we are to Him. I’m all for speaking about the glory of God. Talking about His greatness and holiness and faithfulness. The whole of our lives should be spent honoring Him. But part of that honor is realizing our worth in Him. Our worth TO Him. God is love and we are the objects of that love. I believe He wants me to bask in that love. To know that He highly values me.

I may no longer have my husband here with me to show me his love and care but I have a God who adores me. A God who delights in me. A God who wants me to know my intrinsic value. When I do, I can rest in that knowledge and be secure. And that’s a much better place to be.

Sitting in the tension of longing for my husband while basking in my Father’s love.